Starting Over
by snarkyroxy
Summary: One year ago, a single event destroyed the trust and friendship between a Slytherin and a Gryffindor. Can another event prompt them to rekindle that friendship, and will they ever truly trust one another again?


**Starting Over**

by snarkyroxy

-**  
**

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Alas._

_Author's Note: Indigofeathers made me do it. Her prompt was: Timeline – Marauder's era, Place – Slytherin boys' dormitory, Character – Lily Evans, Keyword – trust. Many thanks to Rebecca (labrt2004) for beta-reading._

_- _

The door clicked shut quietly behind her and promptly vanished, melding into the dark grey stones. It was always cold down here, and she shivered as she stood still for a moment. The lump of black robes on the bed didn't move, but she knew better than to assume he was asleep… he was _too_ still to be sleeping, the stiff line of his back giving away the fact that he had heard someone enter and was waiting for them to make a move.

Did he know it was her? Of course. Who else would it be, sneaking into the Slytherin boys' dormitories through a hidden passageway few knew existed, let alone how to access?

Yet, it had been close to a year since she'd used it last… close to a year since the passage had refused to admit her, the ancient stones of Hogwarts deeming her no longer a friend, but a foe, to those whom the passage concealed. She had been hurt and angry, true, but she would never have hurt _him. _Never.

And now, tonight, the omniscient castle has sensed her fear, her concern for a friend, and had admitted her once again.

The rest of the school was in the Great Hall, having dinner. She'd taken the chance that his housemates would have left him alone, and she'd been right. Still, they wouldn't be gone for long. Glancing at the main door of the dormitory to ensure it was properly closed, she briefly considered warding it shut. But no, if anyone returned from dinner early to find it locked, both of them would be in trouble.

Drawing a breath and willing the castle to lend her some of its infinite strength, she stepped forwards and called softly to the figure on the bed.

"Severus?"

The response was swift, his voice uncharacteristically hoarse. "Get out, Evans."

Undeterred, she approached the bed and sat on the edge, watching him quietly. Lily knew she could draw an explanation of what had happened out of him eventually, but sympathy was something he had never taken well. She had to do this carefully.

"I tried to see you last night," she began quietly. "Two second-years from my house came running into the common room, saying they'd seen Dumbledore Levitating you and James into the castle and up to the hospital wing. I went there, but they wouldn't let me see you… they wouldn't even tell me if you were okay. Then I went to see Pomfrey again this morning before class, all ready to insist she let me talk to you, and she said you'd left against her wishes. What's going on, Severus? I don't understand."

"I wouldn't expect you to." His tone was bitter, his face still hidden by the lank curtain of hair that had earnt him so many taunts over the years. It had never bothered Lily.

"I _want_ to understand," she insisted. "Remus is in the Hospital Wing now, too, and James says he's not allowed to talk about it, so I know something must have happened. Sirius and Peter have been sent home early for the holidays… suspended, I think. The whole school knows something happened… something involving those four and you… but no one knows what. Please, Severus, you know I won't tell anyone. I just want to know that you're all right."

As she finished speaking, Lily reached out and laid her hand lightly on Severus' black-robed back, just beneath one of his shoulder blades. He pulled away as though her touch had burned him, a short hiss of pain breaking from him as he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from her.

Burying his head in his hands, he repeated, "Get out, Evans."

"No."

At her simple refusal, he finally turned his head and raised his eyes to hers. She returned his gaze evenly and with a hint of defiance, not failing to note how reddened and bloodshot his dark eyes were.

"What do you mean, no?"

In the dim light thrown across the room from the wall sconces, Lily noticed a line on his face she'd never noticed before. A thin, white scar almost hidden in his hairline. She could have sworn the mark hadn't been there the last time she'd looked at his face. Sighing softly, Lily rose and walked around the other side of the bed so she could sit beside Severus. He stiffened slightly as she sat, but looked away from her questioning gaze, and she pondered whether her presence was making him uncomfortable, or whether his stiffness was a poor attempt at disguising pain.

Something had happened to him last night. Someone had hurt him. She was now more sure of that than ever.

"I won't leave until you tell me what happened," she said, her voice soft but firm, leaving no room for argument. After five years of friendship – the past twelve months aside – he was well acquainted with her determination, which so often bordered on stubbornness.

"I can't."

Her eyes inadvertently filled with tears at the short dismissal. It wasn't that he couldn't tell her… he wouldn't. There had been a time when he had trusted her with everything… from silly dreams and nightmares to his parents' troubled marriage, there had been no secrets between the Slytherin and Gryffindor who had become the closest of friends.

But a single day, a public event and a few hastily-spoken words had destroyed everything they had shared.

"What happened to us, Severus?" she murmured sadly. "I can only apologise for what I said to you that day so many times… and I don't hold what you said to me against you; if it's _my_ forgiveness you need, you've always had it. I hate this; I hate not seeing you, and talking to you, and spending time with you."

"Oh, that's rich," he spat. "You've hardly spoken to me for the last year."

"I've tried," she said. "I wish you'd try, too. I just want it to be like it was before."

"Like it was before," he echoed bitterly. "You were never associating with those mongrels before. Do you really expect me to speak with you when they're lurking nearby, bloody Potter hanging on your every word?"

There was something in Severus' voice that Lily had never heard before… was it… jealousy?

"Do you expect me to spend every lunchtime, evening and weekend in the castle by myself, waiting until you decide you might want to be friends with me again? They're my housemates, Severus… and yes, they're my friends, too," she explained, only to be cut off by his angry snarl.

"_Friends_?" he spat, springing to his feet and turning to face her angrily. "Your _friends_ tried to kill me, Lily! Not just play a prank, not just humiliate me in front of everyone, _kill me_."

She stared at him, and he looked away, cursing under his breath.

"That's… that's not possible," she whispered, but deep inside, an uncertainty and horror was growing. She knew Sirius had a nasty, malicious streak, perhaps brought on by bitterness at never having lived up to the expectations of his family, but did that mean he was capable of attempted murder?

"Oh, I assure you, it is," he said. His earlier outburst appeared to have inexplicably tired him, and he sank down beside her again, close enough that their shoulders were touching. As they sat in silence for a moment, she felt a shiver run through him.

"You shouldn't be here," he said in a low voice. "You'll get us both into trouble… _more_ trouble."

"So be it," she retorted stubbornly. "Severus, please, I need to know what's happened. Obliviate me after you've told me, if you must, but I won't leave until I know."

After a long moment of consideration, he met her eyes again.

"You will promise never speak a word of this to another person?"

"Of course," she replied, hurt that he even had to ask. "Don't you trust me?"

Instead of responding, he shifted to sit on the bed with his back against the headrest, another brief grimace of discomfort crossing his features as he settled. Lily curled her feet up beneath her, sitting beside his outstretched legs as he began to speak.

He told her everything that had happened since the day of their Defence OWL almost a year before, the day their friendship had fallen apart. The Gryffindor boys had always delighted in tormenting Severus, ever since their first encounter on the Hogwarts Express six years ago; Lily tried to discourage them whenever she could, but she hadn't realised how much the animosity between Severus and the other four had grown behind her back.

Schoolboy pranks had become vicious, cruel tricks, designed to humiliate and hurt the lone Slytherin who gave as good as he got. He was quick to assure Lily that he was far from blameless – his hatred for Black, in particular, knew no bounds – but at the same time, it was always the Gryffindors who initiated their confrontations. He would have been satisfied to walk by and give them nothing more than a sneering insult, but it seldom ended there.

Lily was upset to learn how horrible her housemates had been to Severus outside her presence. She had seen little open hostility between them, and even though her friendship with Severus had been all but destroyed, she'd still been pleased to think they were all finally growing out of their hatred and pettiness.

Things had taken a turn for the worse when Severus had become interested in where Remus disappeared to every month. Even as he spoke, Lily was shaking her head.

"Oh, Severus, you should have just left it alone."

His face darkened.

"You know?" he glared at her accusingly. "You _know_ what he is?"

"I haven't known for long," she said mildly. "He told me a few months ago. We've been partners in Potions this year, since you… well, he's a good friend."

Severus snorted disbelievingly.

"He is," Lily insisted. "Severus, I know he's friends with the others, and you can't stand them, but Remus has never said or done anything to hurt you. You're both more alike than you realise, actually."

"Gee, thanks," Severus spat sarcastically. "Comparing me to a bloody werewolf!"

Lily shook her head; she might have known he'd come to the wrong conclusion. Instead of arguing, though, she simply waited for Severus to continue speaking. She had an unpleasant feeling she knew where his story was leading, and it was becoming clear that her earlier suspicions had been correct.

He told her how he'd heard Sirius and Peter whispering in a corner of the library about where Remus went each month and how to follow him. Unaware the conversation had been staged purely for his benefit, last night Severus had followed the overheard instructions and gone down the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow after Remus.

Severus broke off for a moment, his eyes a little glazed as he stared across the room. Lily could only imagine what he had encountered beyond that tunnel, what horror he was now reliving in his mind. She reached out and touched the back of his hand where it lay in his lap, and this time he didn't pull away. His eyes flickered to meet hers, and he seemed to remember he'd stopped speaking.

He continued, telling her how he'd realised he was in the Shrieking Shack and had gone from room to room searching for Remus, only to find himself trapped in one of the upstairs rooms by the werewolf. His account of what followed was little more than a blur. He had tried to hex the wolf, but the spell had been useless and only goaded the creature to attack. He'd found himself knocked to the floor, and then suddenly James was there, shouting at Severus to get out before transforming into his Animagus form and driving the werewolf away.

"How did James know you'd gone after Remus?" Lily whispered, trying to absorb everything that had happened.

"Black and Pettigrew were gloating about the way they managed to trick me," he spat. "Potter obviously thought if his mongrel friend killed me, _he'd_ be to blame as well, so he came after me to save his own skin."

Lily frowned. In the past year, she'd become almost as close to James as she had Remus, and she knew Severus' account of his motives couldn't be right. He hated Severus just as much as her other housemates did, but he would have been horrified to discover what Sirius and Peter had done… it was no less than sending Severus to his death. No, James had gone after Severus to stop the unthinkable from happening.

"How did you get out?" she whispered.

"I don't quite remember," he said, calmer now. "According to Dumbledore, Potter found me in the tunnel and dragged me out the rest of the way. By the time we were back out of that accursed tree, Dumbledore was there. I don't know how he knew. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital wing."

"Thank God James was there," Lily murmured, more to herself than to Severus. If her housemate hadn't been able to subdue Remus in his werewolf form… she shuddered to think what would have happened.

Severus, though, didn't share her gratitude. He sat up, eyes flashing.

"Oh, yes, the hero of the day, James bloody Potter!" he sneered. "The Headmaster was talking about giving him a special award for saving my life! It was his _friends_ who tried to kill me in the first place!"

"And they'll be punished, Severus," Lily tried to reason with him.

"Punished! Sent home from school early and allowed to return next term as though nothing has happened – how is that punishment? Not to mention the werewolf! What about him? He shouldn't even be allowed in the school!"

"That's not fair, and you know it." Lily could feel herself getting angry and frustrated, as she always did when she caught between her housemates and her Slytherin friend. "Remus will be horrified when he realises what he's done. Why do you think he leaves the school every month? He goes somewhere he knows no one else will venture because he's terrified of hurting anyone. He hates what he is, Severus, but it's beyond his control."

Severus raised a hand to his eyes, rubbing them tiredly.

"I'm just so _sick_ of being bettered by them," he bit out between clenched teeth. "One day, Lily – you mark my words – one day they'll get what's coming to them."

There was something in his tone that Lily had never heard before… a darkness that frightened her. His pale face was set with an expression of ruthless determination, and she could almost _hear_ him imagining the other boys' comeuppance. She realised she was still holding his hand, and gripped it more tightly, wringing it between both of her own.

"Please don't talk like that, Severus," she implored. "Their childish pranks have gone too far, and I know you're hurt and angry, but vengeance won't solve anything."

"Don't be so sure," he muttered.

"I mean it, Severus," she said. "Be a man and let it go. Trust me, it takes far more courage to do that than to retaliate."

He shook his head, a bitter smile twisting his face.

"You should go," he said, suddenly turning onto his side and putting his back to her. "The other Slytherins will be back from dinner soon, and you don't want to be caught here."

By now, she should have been used to the way he could suddenly close himself off from everyone around him. He had rarely done so with her, though, and the realisation he was doing so now was a painful one, indeed.

But Lily had seen a faint glimmer of hope tonight that their friendship could be salvaged, and she certainly wouldn't give up on him so easily. She would give him the space he wanted tonight, but she'd be back tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. She'd lost a dear friend once before, and she had no intention of losing him again.

Standing up, she fetched the blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over him. He stiffened a little, but didn't protest aloud, nor did he shy away when she bent close and brushed his hair aside so she could kiss his cheek.

"It's been a long twelve months without your friendship, Severus," she whispered. "Please don't let us go on like this any longer."

He didn't respond, and she turned and walked slowly across the room, the hidden door materialising from the wall as she drew near. As she reached for the handle, his voice halted her.

"Lily?"

She turned back, meeting his dark eyes. He simply held her gaze for a long moment, then said, "I do trust you."

She smiled.

"That's a start, then, isn't it?"

-

_finite_

_Author's Note: Just another take on what happened the night Severus discovered Remus was a werewolf – I'm rather obsessed with it, actually. So many possibilities. Somewhat unintentionally, this story fits the 'universe' of another one-shot I wrote a while back, The River. There are some other stories that come between it and this one, and a few more after, so I'll try to get them written in the not-too-distant future. I seem only capable of writing from prompts at the moment!_


End file.
